Wow, Now That is Bitchy

For once I'm not the one doing the insane ranting. There is someone out in blogland who does not like my Thursday posts and has taken it upon himself to leave insulting comments, allegedly from me, on the blogs of people who do like my Thursday posts. Once again someone tries to tell me that I am rude by being really rude. So, long story short, if there is a nasty comment on your blog (that is misspelled and/or is missing punctuation) it's probably not from me. Please block that IP address. Sorry and thanks.

Has the World Gone Mad?

I today I passed a woman at the mall with her--get this--miniature pony! Just sitting in front of the Apple store like it was a completely average, normal thing to do.



Then we passed a woman sitting at a table removing her toenail polish. Uh, what?

And then the guy behind me driving home was texting on his phone the entire ride while reading from his laptop that was propped open on his dashboard!

Am I being too picky or have people just lost their freaking minds?

This is Why I Hate People

Someone decided that--instead of using one of the many free and legal parking spaces available on our street--he would park his truck across our driveway and on our parking strip, blocking both of our garages and decimating the wood chip pile.



Nice move, asshole.

Bella would never park like that.



ETA: The police actually came a while after we called them. And now the truck is gone.

A Trip to Costco

While walking through the parking lot at Costco--in a marked crosswalk with the children--we were nearly struck by a woman who a) did not stop for us b) was driving erratically because she was c) texting on her phone. As she rolled by us, staring at her phone, I called out to the children to be careful because "she isn't going to stop for us because she's TEXTING ON HER CELL PHONE!" She seemed startled...you know, because she hadn't noticed us in the crosswalk in the first place.

Then older son said, imagining the driver's next text message, said, "And...now..some...crazy...woman...is...yelling...at...me."

Eavesdropping Ur Doin it Wrong

I was in a coffee shop with the boys this afternoon having a snack. There was a guy at the table opposite us who was clearly listening in on our conversation. Younger son was asking me is they had watches "in the olden age." I was asking him for some clarification about when "the olden age" occurred. As we stood up to leave the guy stops me and says, "Excuse me, ma'am. What did your son want to know about the 'olden age?'" My inner-New Yorker reared right up and shot back, "How is that any of your business?" and stormed out. Seriously, just because you're eavesdropping doesn't mean you're actually part of the conversation.

Oh, and mind your own damned business!

Home Again Crappity Crap

I dutifully trudged to the gym this morning for my run. When I got there there was a sign on the front desk saying the women's locker room would be closed from 10-11. In other words, for exactly the time I need it to be open so I don't show up at work stinky and sweaty. So I turned around and came home. Damn.

I think the body of Lamour is done to the armholes. I started a sleeve last night. Thanks for all the suggestions about my measuring conundrum. I will most likely ignore it all and just wing it. Sorry precise people out there. That's just not me.

As Long as I'm Stirring the Pot

Last night after writing my blog post Wes and I sat down to watch the Oprah show about talking to children about sex. Anyone who knows me knows that I am very open and frank with my children about sex. Watching the show got me thinking several things.

1) My objection to the BK ad isn't about sex. I can talk to my kids about sex and sexuality until the cows come home.
2) When the Oprah show says "talking to your kids about sex" what they mean is "mothers talking to daughters about sex." As a mom and a dad with sons watching this show I thought they really missed the boat. It's not about just arming girls with information and confidence to they can defend themselves against the hordes of hormone-crazed boys who will endlessly come sniffing around. We should be sending the same message to boys and girls about intimacy, confidence and responsibility.
3) The most controversial part of the show was the suggestion by Laura Berman that mothers should talk to girls in their teens about masturbation. The audience went nuts. Would anyone have batted an eye if the suggestion was made to discuss masturbation with teenage boys? I don't really think so.

Coincidentally starting on Tuesday my older son will begin sex education at school. I'm really interested to see how it is approached and his reaction to it.

I will have a finished sweater to show you later today. I promise no more kids and sex talk for a while.

BK Follow Up

Okay so the reaction to this ad campaign seems to be breaking down along the lines of whether or not you have kids. Given that my kids don't watch commercial television I never imagined they'd be exposed to this ad. So it still seemed funny to me. Then today as I was leaving a restaurant after lunch with my children we walked past the TVs in the bar this ad happened to be on. Now I'm fairly angry. My children (boys, 9 and nearly-11) went insane.

"Oh my god! What was that?"
"Why are they measuring those women's butts?"
"Why are they showing those women's butts?"
"That's disgusting!"

I can't help but feel that I've done something right so far that my children are not accustomed or inured to the objectification of women. And I still stand by my original sentiment that, however fun a riff on Sir Mixalot is, selling children's items--whether to children or their parents--with scantily-clad women shaking their asses is inappropriate. I know my boys will continue to be bombarded with ladies in hot pants shaking their asses at them in an attempt to sell them things and I hope as they grow up they will remember how much this offends me. I hope it will offend them too.

Let's File This Under "Good Intentions Meet Poor Reasoning"

Dayton Mother Caught Breast Feeding and Driving.

I get it. When the kid's hungry, you have to feed it. BUT PULL OVER! Geez...

I'm Sorry, Those Only Come in One Size

I worked a pizza place when I was in high school that made 10" and 13" pizzas; we called them small and large. Often customers would ask for a "small 10" pizza." If I was feeling impish I would sometimes say, "I'm sorry. We only have one size 10" pizza."

Today I walked by a bar with a sign that read "16 oz. 20 oz. pints." I'm sorry, guys, but pints only come in one size.

Disgruntlement Pays Off

Seattle to use salt in future storms

Of course, now it won't snow for another two years.

Oh Come On!

Now school is canceled because it might snow today. That is just silly.

BTW, there was absolutely no snow overnight.

A Pep Talk for Seattle

People of Seattle,

Chill the fuck out. There is a possibility of "a few snow showers." You all are acting like Armegeddon is imminent. It's a little snow. Maybe. Just don't do any unnecessary driving on hills. You'll be fine.

You may also be concerned because it is supposed to get cold. By which I mean Seattle-cold. Yes, it will go below freezing. There may be a 24 hour period where it stays below freezing. You'll be okay. Just shelve those flip flops and your lightweight fleece and put on some socks and a coat.

You will survive this. I have faith in you.

Sincerely,

Jessica

Car and Motorcycle Advice

If you are driving a motorcycle and decide that instead of stopping at a stop sign you will instead pass the car in front of you (on the right) while they stop don't be alarmed when the driver does not let you pass and honks at you. Don't rev your engine and zip in front of the car then slam on your brakes while gesturing to the driver something that suggest "who's the boss now?"

Best case scenario: You live to see another day.
Worst case scenario: The car driver crushes you like a bug.

I would instead advise you to follow the rules of the road thus avoiding drama and crushed extremities.

If you are driving a car and feel that a motorcyclist should not pass you on the right at a stop sign. Let it go. Don't try to outrace an unreasonable person in a very busy pedestrian area.

Best case scenario: You don't hurt anyone.
Worst case scenario: You crush someone like a bug.

I would instead advise you to follow the rules of the road thus avoiding drama and crushed extremities.

Note: I was not the driver, nor the motorcyclist, in this scenario. I was merely the lucky person walking alongside them while they had this vehicular pissing match. And had to attempt to explain to my son why everyone was yelling and honking while reaching for my cell phone in case I needed to call 911.

Let's File This Under "Worst Ideas Ever"

Texas school district to let teachers carry guns

No, No, No, No

A Rocky Horror remake! No!

Now I Remember

I recall now why I've put off making some doctor appointments and scheduling a repair for the car. I've been on the phone for 45 minutes! I'm still on the phone. I've been transferred here and there.I've been on hold forever. Why must this be so aggravating?

Oh No You Didn't!!!

Today is our older son's 10th birthday party. He requested a home-baked apple pie instead of a cake. Wes baked a beautiful pie while I was at work. We took our son and his friends out to dinner then Wes took the boys to see Prince Caspian. I went out in the yard to do some more work. Isabella ate the whole fucking pie. And smashed the pie plate to bits. Wes is going to kill me.

(Younger brother and I just ran to the grocery store and bought another pie. I'm still in big trouble but at least there's dessert for the kids.)

OMFG!

I will join everyone else in Seattle in saying, "It's fucking snowing outside! What the hell is happening?"

The DMV Effect*

Ah the wonders of the modern age. I'm sitting in my car in front of the kids' school stealing someone's wifi (sorry, you really should change your settings). Today was stressful. I had to renew my driver's license. Which means I had to go to the DMV. I checked online and the wait time listed for license renewal was an hour. I went with my laptop (tried to find a wireless connection but failed) and my knitting. I went prepared to wait. Apparently I was the only one who realized that going to the DMV involves sitting around waiting. Everyone else spent their hour tapping their feet, bitching loudly and in one instance, screaming, ranting, stomping around and threatening to write letters to the local papers. Yeah, lady, you have to wait when you go to the DMV. Big news story. So I left 90 minutes later with what is absolutely the worst driver's license picture ever. And I do not give a shit. I am just glad to have gotten the hell out of there.
I then went and met up with Erin. She and I are cooking up a little podcast. Hopefully in a few days after she has edited out all my rambling we will have something.
Tonight is lots of cleaning up at the house because I'm having a sleepover party. No, not the kids. Me. I'm having a birthday slumber party. I told my cashier at Trader Joe's this morning and he dubbed the idea "rad." So there you have it. I'm finally cool.
And I finished the back to Tailored Scallops.
Now I want to curl up in a ball and go to sleep but instead I need to clean the bathrooms 'cause ick.

* Usually the DMV effect refers to a situation where everyone from every strata of society get shoved together in one place. Today it just refers to the effect of going to the DMV

Nooooooooooo!!!!

I finally made it to the armhole decreases on my teeny weeny sleeve for the Auburn Camp Shirt which I started a week ago. I cast on the wrong number of stitches! ARgghghghhghghhh. I have to rip it out and start over. *sob* At least my gauge looks good.

Dear Maytag Repair Guy

Thanks for wasting my whole fucking day and telling me I needed a new dishwasher when all I needed to do was jiggle the door some more.I really enjoyed spending $700 on a dishwasher I don't need.

Your truly,

Jessica

ETA: So angry I forgot how to spell.
For clarity: the repair guy said the machine was unfixable. We bought a new one. I waited all day for it to be delivered. The delivery guy looks at the old one and says, "Why are you replacing it?" I told him the door no longer closed and it couldn't be fixed. He jiggled it around for 10 seconds and voila! it closes. And it cleans dishes. So I sent the new one--that was already in my kitchen--back to Home Depot.

Haven't We Had Enough of This?

I just heard about a new documentary, Young@Heart, about a senior citizen choir that sings rock songs. It looks cute.



I'm not crazy about the poster.



Why is knitting still the international symbol for old age?

Not Flattering, Not Sincere

The new Spring Interweave Crochet preview is up. One design jumped out at me.



Hmmm, that seems awfully familiar, doesn't it? In fact, it's a complete, full-on copy of Bonne Marie Burns' Ariann.



I know one is knit and one is crochet. But it's the same exact sweater. This does not sit right with me.

Can't Put My Finger On It

I can't explain why but whenever I see this guy I just want to slap the shit out of him.

Wait...What?

I'm teaching a class tomorrow. If you had asked me on Wednesday which class I am teaching I would have told you it's an adult sweater class which I have taught many times. I would also have been wrong. Instead, I'm teaching a class on a shawl made with Noro sock yarn which I have never taught before based on a pattern I designed but have not finished knitting. This little neglected thing. Oh, and I haven't written the pattern yet. Time to freak out!

Please Stop Raping My Childhood, Thanks Ever So Much

Uma Thurman has been cast as Nanny in a film version of Eloise in Paris. What. The. Fuck.

This woman...


...is going to play this woman.


Why? Why, why, why???

Thomas Dolby, You Have a Lot to Answer For

Scene: Standing in line at Trader Joe's, "She Blinded me with Science," a 26 year old song, playing in the background.

Cashier in her 20s: What's this song? She whatted me with science??
Customer in her 30s: "She Blinded Me with Science."

Couple in their 50s.
Man: This sounds like Prince.
Woman: But edgier.
Man: He must be trying to copy Prince.



Watch the video, people. Learn something.

Not Kosher

I am a bagel purist. Even Cinnamon Raisin strikes me as just plain wrong. So imagine how I felt in line at the Nordstrom espresso bar today when I saw that they sell Cheddar Bacon Bagels. How wrong can you get?

Day Off

This is my first full day off in a very long time. Seattle elementary schools go to half-day in November. It sucks. So today with a full six hours to myself I've filled my schedule with a bunch of boring crap. Haircut, bra shopping (Whee. Don't you wish you were me?), returning library books, mailing packages. The fun never stops, I'm telling you.

I did finish the first Laila sock last night and I think it's quite fetching. And it fits per-fect-ly.



If you like this pattern but think it looks intimidating I urge you to give it a try. There are far more solid color rows than two-color rows. It goes quickly and is very easy to follow.

I Am a Stupidhead

There is a problem with my little "I'll just cut off the top of this here sock. No problem." plan. The problem is that the ribbing seamlessly runs down into the pattern on the sock. Picking the stitches back up and knitting to the cuff will not line up properly. It will not be seamless and elegant and it will not match the second sock.

Of course, I realized this after I cut off the top of the first sock. Shit!

Double Bah!!

So I head to the gym this morning, this time not caring about whether or not there is hot water. I don't have work today. I can shower at home. I pull up, get out of the car and open my trunk. There I discover that I forgot my fucking gym bag.

Bah!

Walked up to the front door of the gym today and saw the sign announcing that there was no hot water. I don't know about you but I am not one of those folks who can run for 30 minutes then dab my forehead with a damp paper towel and be ready to face the world.

Stupid Electronics

I came home after a long, long day of Nordic knitting and then spinning at the shop to watch the season premiere of Friday Night Lights. The ReplayTV didn't record it! It recorded the rebroadcast of Grey's Anatomy! Bah! Nobody tell me anything or I'll poke you in the eye.

Memo to Ken Burns

Ken, I haven't seen your new documentary, The War, yet. But I did just see your appearance on The Daily Show. And I have to tell you, get a fucking hair cut. No, seriously, you've been walking around with that same dopey mop for like 45 years. It's not 4th grade any more, Ken. Time for a big boy cut.

It's Like the Karl Rove of Sewing Projects

It turns out I'm more persistent than I thought. I took the stupid desk organizer apart for the third or fourth (fifth?) time, trimmed the Timtex and sewed the whole thing back together. I got it to a point where it was still a total mess but I felt I could live with it. Time to sew on the handles. While sewing on the last handle I broke a needle. I replaced it and promptly broke another needle this time getting hit in the face with needle shrapnel just missing my left eye.





Meet the face of evil.

I stuffed it full of fabric (my original inspiration to pick this project back up was this) to create a rectangular-ish appearance.

The sick thing is I keep trying to think of how to do it better the next time. Next time? What am I? Fucking nuts?*

Fabric: Nature's Whimsy by Northcott and Flea Market Fancy by Denyse Schmidt

*Seriously, if you've sewn one of these devil-boxes please email me and tell me your secrets. I'm feeling pretty defeated.

Does This Mean He'll Now Revert to His True Form?

No one this evil can just sail off into the sunset. I'm waiting to find out what he's really got planned. Perhaps another war?

WhyPhone?

I was at the mall with the kids and my son said, "What are all those people doing?"



It was very hard to explain why these people were camping out in a mall to get a phone. Especially since they were all sitting there text-messaging or talking on the phones they currently own. That is if they could put their PSPs, laptops or DSs down for long enough. Seriously, every one of the people waiting had their noses glued to some sort of screen. (Okay, the guy in the front left seems to have momentarily put down his laptop.)

But it makes a nice lead in to this video.

Public Service

To the dude applying deodorant while waiting at the bus stop,

I applaud your effort. Perhaps next time you might work on location and timing.

Thanks,
Jessica

Ways In Which I Sense This Will Not Be a Great Day

1) It is my older son's birthday. I bought him the Pokemon game off of his wishlist. It turns out he bought one already with his own money. I am a terrible mother for not knowing this even though he didn't take off his wishlist. I have now made my son cry over breakfast on his birthday.

2) The cat threw up under my desk. I found out when I put my bare foot in it.

Why Oh Why?

We can put a man on the moon but we can't design a "to go" coffee cup that doesn't dribble hot coffee along the seam (and down the front of my shirt). Why?

Spelling Hivemind?

Why have I seen moral and morale used in each other's stead what feels like a dozen times today?

Listen up people. It's the moral of the story. Not morale of the story. A story does not have morale, only people have morale.

Tired

I'm tired today. It's gray and rainy. I stayed up until 1:30 last night winding Shetland wool on to bobbins.

But I'm also tired of violence. I'm tired of our response to violence. All the endless obsessing over the killer and searching for something in his behavior that will explain the terrible thing he did. The headline "VA Tech Killer Had Mental Problems" just makes me think, "No shit." And meanwhile in Baghdad a series of car bombs have killed 170 people today. There's a bigger problem here.

Thank You for Not Smoking

When I walked by the first guy standing in front of a "Thank You for Not Smoking" sign while puffing away today (and spitting which I hate even more) I felt the urge to pull out my phone and take his picture. I glared at him and let the urge pass. But two minutes later when I walked by the next moron smoking in front of a No Smoking sign I did take her picture. And I'm going to post it as soon I figure out how to get the pictures off my camera (I'm phone-challenged. I can't help it. I'm old.).

Good Friday?

This morning I was reading up on the box office predictions for the weekend. Everything kept referring to the "holiday weekend." I spent about a full minute sitting in front of my computer muttering, "What holiday?" Then, "Oh, Easter." I've mentioned before that we're not too holiday-oriented Chez Rose-Kim. Now I'm really anxious to see how many millions of people celebrate this holy holiday by going to see Grindhouse. Wes and I were meeting for lunch downtown. We had some checks to deposit at Fidelity (they also validate parking--score!) but we found they were closed for Good Friday. What?! I guess it's so bankers and stock brokers can beat the holiday rush and see Grindhouse on Friday.

The Last Word on Apple

Wow, this PC vs. Mac thing goes as deep as knit vs. crochet.
Here's a bit more details on the story.
The iPod suffered some catastrophic failure. It can not be restored, reset or even diagnosed. Just as the parrot in the Monty Python sketch, it is deceased.
I was offered another iPod for $99 with only a 90 warranty. (This is the point when I cursed at the "Genius" who was "assisting" me.) I said, "So when this thing dies on the 91st day, I'm fucked?" Answer: Yes. I was also offered a chance to "recyle" my iPod and get 10% off another one--but not the Shuffle. There was some third option but I was so blinded by rage at that point I couldn't focus--I think it has something to do with letting some third-party repair guy have at it. The "Genius" who stared me down with a wounded, glassy-eyed gaze, confided that he understood my frustration because the same thing happened to him. I can only say that telling me that this happens all the time was not the most soothing, reassuring thing he could have told me.

At the risk of coming perilously close to saying, "In my day..." I will say consumer electronics should not be disposable. I know that they now are but, really, they shouldn't be. If iPods or cell phones or any other electronic device is intended to be disposable--which, again, they shouldn't be--they should be priced accordingly. I have no desire to pay $300+ a year for the pleasure of using an iPod. Once upon a time I had a little mp3 player. It was tiny, had very little storage space, no display, etc. It broke in less than a year. It also cost less than $50. It still pissed me off but at that price I could kind of live with it. I foolishly thought that if I paid twice as much as I paid for a new monitor for my computer or three times what I paid for my most reliable PDA (a Handspring Visor which I love)I would get a piece of equipment that was built to hold out for longer than a year.

Okay, I'm done. Time to stuff down my feelings of rage into a hard little ball deep inside me.

Apple Sucks!

I am blogging here from the Apple store where they've told me that my iPod is now a paperweight and they won't do anything about it. Since I've owned it for the ridicuously long period of 16 months. Tough shit, out of warranty.

Apple, kiss my ass!

Hi. I'm a PC

You know those funny Apple ads with the Mac and the PC? I love those ads. Though I'm waiting for the one where the Mac whips out a sledgehammer and hobbles the PC Misery-style. Because that is what Apple is doing to me right now.My iPod wouldn't update because some of my "playlists selected no longer exist." Huh? How can they be playlists if they don't exist? Just to be sure I deleted all my playlists. Same error message. I was using an older version of iTunes because the newer one had some bug that made it not work on PCs. I decided to try the newest version and see if they had fixed anything. I may never know. Now my iPod doesn't work at all and when I try to install the new update to the newest version of iTunes (since I updated two days ago) it crashes my computer.

In short, Apple sucks donkey ass.